Category Archives: Career

How to Be a Great Internet Troll

It must be tough being an internet troll; the subsection of bridge dwellers who seem to actively wish misery, death and heterosexuality on large sections of the online community.  It’s probably not a job most people dream of. However, if you are one of those willing to both endure and encourage anonymous online hatred and really want to be a great internet troll, here’s how. Continue reading

How to Get Your Dream Job

Job interviews are difficult. You have to look presentable, wear a tie and hide your real personality under a thin veneer of manners and outright lies. They don’t have to be awkward though, just follow these three simple steps and you’ll have that dream job in no time. Continue reading

The Simple Way to Get Elected

So, what’s in a name? Shakespeare didn’t think it mattered all that much. Especially when you consider his name might not have been William Shakespeare – people weren’t that fussed about exact spellings of names back in the day. However, would his work have been as successful if he was called Ivor Biggun, Luke Atmicock or Ben Elton? Possibly not. Continue reading

How to Write the World’s Worst Resume

Resumes are pretty important documents. You’ve always got to pick the right information for the right application. You should also lie. Repeatedly. It’s expected (Editor’s note: Any potential employers reading this, I retain the distinction of being the only person in the world to have never lied on my CV. Except once, when an unintentional typo said I was born in 2006). Continue reading

How to Be An Astronaut: Sort of

If you’re feeling a little down because you’re one of the few women who hasn’t been harassed in some way by Herman Cain, don’t worry it’s only a matter of time. He’ll have plenty of opportunity to get to all the remaining women he’s yet to settle — for no good reason whatsoever, cause he definitely didn’t do anything — out of court with. Continue reading

How to Artfully Close a Newspaper

So that’s it then? No more News of the World, after 168 years it’s all over now. Who would have thunk it? Although in hindsight it’s hard to see how it could have survived, having seemingly hacked every living person’s phone on earth except maybe Murdoch’s himself, or was that the final straw?

It’s pretty hard writing about this seeing as the story is moving so fast that by now the News of the World could have been relaunched as a broadsheet or as a high-quality porn magazine. Either is probably an improvement. Continue reading