Are you a man who wants to dress smart but just doesn’t know where to start? Do you know your sports coat from your dashiki? Do you have the creative flair of a capricious mountain lion? Or a broken tulip? If so,102 is here to help. Chose from one of the following options and in no time at all you can look as louche as a Lincoln and as well dressed as a salad.
And all from the once-in-a-weekend price of 789 cents!
OPTION 1: The Shoes
For less than 800 cents take the pauper’s option and we will send you a pair of black designer brogues, especially created to go with everything. Whether you are wearing slimline chinos or slim-fitting beachwear, these babies will make you look as slick as a greased up waterslide. The moccasins are actually modelled on the feet of Sean Connery and the seminal trumpeting of Miles Davis.
With just a touch of Morgan Freeman’s vocal chords
It should go without saying but when you wear this tasty twosome, heads will definitely turn, some even for you. Of course, while the shoes make the outfit, they also need the right outfit and while you can just stop here at Option 1 if you really want to fancify your clothes-box you should definitely pay that tiny $1.5m extra and move on to Option 2.
OPTION 2: The Suit
Take up Option two and not only will you receive a suit so incredible it actually wears itself, we will throw in a shoelace, comb and toothpick as well! — don’t let rouge broccoli ruin your evening ever again. The Suit (which we have been advised by our marketing department to only speak of in broad general terms) comes with but both a trousers and a stunning suit jacket, designed to look like something someone with charisma would own. It was made by the same semen used to produce James Dean and the design was approved by both Jon Hamm and Debbie Harry’s aunt.
Production was supervised by Seventies-era Stevie Wonder
The Suit, once worn with the Shoes, are sure to woo any woman within an eight-day radius. It is everything you need really, in fact Option 3 is really only for people who are rich, have money to spend and want to have sex with supermodels.
So what are you waiting for? The Suit is a totally original, completely one-of-a-kind bargain, available at the once-in-a-lifetime price of four ha’penny and 39 cents. So buy it now, while stocks last.
OPTION 3: The Deluxe Package
We’re not going to lie: availing of Option 3 will make you the most well-dressed man in the world. No question. Sure it might be a little costly but what price can you put on looking remarkably cool? Of course, the idea of cool is an abstract notion which differs depending on the place, time and person so normally you can’t, but in this case, it’s $9.3m. When you consider that Option 3 includes both Option 1 AND 2, all the benefits of Option 3, PLUS (and yes we know we’re being too generous here, but, we just love helping people with troubling self-esteem issues) a silver, hand-held nail clippers and an incredibly comfy pair of cotton feet warmers, it seems like only an idiot wouldn’t want to spend that tiny, insignificant amount extra to purchase the guaranteed to work*, extras-filled, Deluxe Package Option 3.
The Deluxe Package includes these comfy cotton feet warmers
So what’s stopping you? Email firstname.lastname@example.org now and for a small fee we will get you dressed in no time.
*All guarantees are guaranteed non-guarantees.